he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
