escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
