I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
