What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
as a side note pls kill me
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
