I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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