I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
