What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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