Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
