i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
