I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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