I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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