dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
