I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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