I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
