i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
