I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
