Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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