so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
