you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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