guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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