Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
