If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
