Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
love makes seman taste better
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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