ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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