so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
