The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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