When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
