the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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