Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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