I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
