I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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