Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Randomize
