What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
