you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
