Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
