Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
