Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
