I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
