i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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