I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
