Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
