Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Me. At least after what I've been through.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
