So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
