She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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