brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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