look no pants
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
