I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
