When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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