i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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