We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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