Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
