this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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