I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
