not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
