i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
