what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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